You Prepare A Table For Me, In The Presence Of My Enemies

It has been a little bit since I did a blog post. Part of that was because I was working on a full version of my testimony and it is time consuming but the bigger part is because of this REALLY hard season I am walking through! If you read my post titled "Transform & Renew" you'll know that on Father's Day God did a work in me. Even more so than I think I really realized when I wrote that blog post. That day I asked God to set me free from the anger and resentment I had been carrying towards my husband. It was becoming a real problem and was creating enough division in our marriage that I really feared for the future of it. Well He did it and he did it instantly, I felt it right then and there but over the last many weeks I have felt it go deep into my heart and really take root. My negative mind has been transformed and I find it easier to see the positive in things and the anger and resentment I felt towards Terry is GONE and I have found a new love and desire for him that is even different from what I felt when we were first married. It is an incredible feeling....but man has Satan been on the attack since that day! Within that first week after Father's Day Terry started dealing with an abnormal amount of stress at work, they implemented a new software system that week and it has been a nonstop nightmare for him. At every corner he is hit with negative thoughts and feelings about his job and our future. In that very same week I started to not feel great, I thought it was kidney stones as it felt the same as it did the last time I had them, but after 2 weeks I was in severe pain and running a fever. Turned out it wasn't kidney stones, it was a UTI that was now turning into a kidney infection. To make a long story short I am STILL on antibiotics and trying to get rid of this awful infection. My doctor ordered blood work and a CT scan (which I go in for today) to make sure there is nothing else going on. But I am standing on God's word, not that I will be healed but that I am ALREADY healed! Through all of this our finances have been taking hits left and right, Terry's paychecks have been shorter than usual and then we have medical expenses added on top of that since we do not have health insurance. I went back to work a year ago to help us pay off debt, but at this point in time my paychecks are just barely helping us keep our heads above water. Then just yesterday Terry and I both were being attacked in a very specific way and it was a strategic attack on our marriage through bringing up Terry's past. It felt like the straw that could have broke the camels back....but guess what? Satan doesn't win this one!!! Terry and I had a lengthy phone conversation and we both prayed over one another and specifically over these attacks that Satan has been throwing up at us left and right. He doesn't get to control Terry's job or my health or our finances, he wants us to believe that everything is crumbling apart. But we see this for what it is, everything isn't crumbling, everything is falling into place the way it should be and Satan is doing his very best to try to keep us from what God has for us!

Tell me this is just a coincedence: A few months back we felt God nudging us to do more than just tithe our 10% and even though it felt like a stretch we listened and obeyed and started giving 12%. I believe through that obedience came the freedom that I received on Father's Day and because of that obedience and freedom Satan realized that he was losing his grasp on us. That the wedge he kept firmly placed between us was gone and he is trying his best to put it back. But like Psalm 23 says, even though I am walking through the darkest valley I will fear NO evil because HE is with me! He hasn't ever left me and he's not about to start now. I believe there is something incredible waiting just on the other side of this season for us and although this feels hard to walk through and so heavy, I know that I don't have to bear the weight of it because I have a wonderful savior walking right next to me carrying the FULL weight of all of these burdens.

I am so very thankful for a God who hears, he understands, he comforts, he heals, he loves fuller and more deeply than we can humanly comprehend and he NEVER leaves us! What an amazing Father we have that goes before us and fights all of our battles!!

If you would like to see how I put this page together please check out my process video here: https://youtu.be/L4u8Od3AvFg